Personalization works...but not always
Latest posts | Feed | By Mark Brownlow on June 21, 2007
Dear asdf,
You might be a little surprised to hear from us after so many months. That's because we just installed a new email database system that lets us send automatic emails based on your past purchase behavior. It's pretty cool.
We decided to let it go to work without worrying too much about contact strategies and the like. Let's just pretend that the 15-month communication gap never happened. Hopefully you haven't forgotten about us and reported this email as spam.
Anyway, the system noticed you bought a new lawn mower from our store last month. So we thought we'd send you the best deals from the "Home and Garden" section of our website. Good idea, huh?
For example, if you order a new lawn mower by the end of the month, we'll give you 20% off. A whole 20%!
What's that?
Yes, we know you just bought one. Like we said, that's why we're sending you the "Home and Garden" offers...including the great deal on new lawn...oh...um, I see the problem.
Mind you, grass cutting technology ages pretty fast you know. Perhaps a second mower for your spouse?
No?
Not interested?
OK. Well, thanks for your time anyway.
------------------------------------
Dear asdf,
Yes, we know, 15 months with no emails, then two within 10 minutes. Look, that's how the system works. Don't blame us.
So, three years ago you bought this book about teaching your kid the alphabet. Well, here's some good news for you. There's a similar book out this very week! And you can get it with free shipping! How can you say no to that?
Oh.
No, we're not saying your kid is stupid.
Yes, I suppose three years is long enough to learn 26 letters.
Maybe there's another kid on the way? (Note to self: add pregnancy question to registration form.)
Well, never mind.
------------------------------------
Dear asdf,
It's your lucky day! Three emails within 20 minutes! Aren't you glad you shopped with us and forgot to uncheck that little box we placed down near the bottom of the order page so you wouldn't see it.
I know we sort of messed up with the last two emails, but you're going to love this one. You bought "Living with elderly parents" last year. Tomorrow, the follow-up comes out. Ta-da! Home run!
Oh.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Our condolences.
Um, would you mind forwarding this to a friend?
More humor | Tags: email humor, internet humor, personalization
You might be a little surprised to hear from us after so many months. That's because we just installed a new email database system that lets us send automatic emails based on your past purchase behavior. It's pretty cool.
We decided to let it go to work without worrying too much about contact strategies and the like. Let's just pretend that the 15-month communication gap never happened. Hopefully you haven't forgotten about us and reported this email as spam.
Anyway, the system noticed you bought a new lawn mower from our store last month. So we thought we'd send you the best deals from the "Home and Garden" section of our website. Good idea, huh?
For example, if you order a new lawn mower by the end of the month, we'll give you 20% off. A whole 20%!
What's that?
Yes, we know you just bought one. Like we said, that's why we're sending you the "Home and Garden" offers...including the great deal on new lawn...oh...um, I see the problem.
Mind you, grass cutting technology ages pretty fast you know. Perhaps a second mower for your spouse?
No?
Not interested?
OK. Well, thanks for your time anyway.
------------------------------------
Dear asdf,
Yes, we know, 15 months with no emails, then two within 10 minutes. Look, that's how the system works. Don't blame us.
So, three years ago you bought this book about teaching your kid the alphabet. Well, here's some good news for you. There's a similar book out this very week! And you can get it with free shipping! How can you say no to that?
Oh.
No, we're not saying your kid is stupid.
Yes, I suppose three years is long enough to learn 26 letters.
Maybe there's another kid on the way? (Note to self: add pregnancy question to registration form.)
Well, never mind.
------------------------------------
Dear asdf,
It's your lucky day! Three emails within 20 minutes! Aren't you glad you shopped with us and forgot to uncheck that little box we placed down near the bottom of the order page so you wouldn't see it.
I know we sort of messed up with the last two emails, but you're going to love this one. You bought "Living with elderly parents" last year. Tomorrow, the follow-up comes out. Ta-da! Home run!
Oh.
I'm sorry to hear that.
Our condolences.
Um, would you mind forwarding this to a friend?
More humor | Tags: email humor, internet humor, personalization
[This post brought to you by Campaigner Email Marketing]
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