If Santa was an email marketer....

1. Nobody would get any presents unless they wrote to Santa explicitly asking for them.

2. The gift wrapping would have a little transparent window in it, so recipients could see the contents of the parcel without having to unwrap it.

3. He would pack each gift twice. Once in colored gift wrapping and once in plain brown paper.

4. Some people would insist on just the plain brown paper version, citing the pre-color printing origins of gift giving as justification.

5. The message on the accompanying gift tag would be limited to 50 characters.

6. In roughly 10% of houses, Santa would emerge from the chimney to find himself in the trash can and not the fireplace. This despite a squeaky-clean sender reputation.

7. He would address the problem by getting Rudolph whitelisted at major urban conurbations.

8. He would still get 100% open rates, despite the fact that his delivered content is often low-value or irrelevant.

9. Nor would he get many people reporting his gifts as unwanted (even though some of them are) and opting-out of future deliveries.

10. He would not need long to work out the "best time to send."

More off-beat posts | Tags: email marketing, santa claus, father christmas, marketing humor

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