Email marketing in 2028

Latest posts | Feed | By Mark Brownlow on June 17, 2008

Dark clouds outside today, so time for something lighter. What does email marketing look like in 20 years time?
  • Email trigger technology is so advanced that the triggered email reaches your inbox before you take the action required to trigger it.
  • Email designers complain bitterly about rendering problems with Outlook 2027.
  • Online integration now means you get a text message on your mobile telling you to check email for a note alerting you to a wall post on Facebook informing you of a chat message from a friend who has lost your phone number.
  • Adjustments to US Can-Spam legislation extend the definition of the term "sender" to include birds, reptiles and higher invertebrates. But it still doesn't require an opt-in.
  • Thanks to almost universal image suppression, 3% is now considered a good open rate.
  • At least one news headline declares that "email is dead," while industry commentators complain that email has the highest ROI of all direct response media but still isn't getting the budget it deserves.
  • 40% of retailers do not design their emails for blocked holograms. Recipients simply see a spinning red cross accompanied by a security warning.
  • Continuing concerns over privacy and permission lead to the introduction of treble opt-in. After clicking a link in a confirmation email, would-be subscribers are asked to solve a Sudoku puzzle in under 60 seconds before their email is added to the list.
  • You can still buy 1 million email addresses for $99. It's still a bad idea.
  • Personalization advances mean the offer in an email updates itself based on your browsing behavior after receiving the mail. (Actually that's a prediction, not a joke.)
  • The Yahoo Live Gmail New! webmail interface blocks images, blacks out text, hides the sender name, deletes the subject line and issues a strong security warning on all incoming emails that aren't in a paid certification program...run by Yahoo Live Gmail.
  • Web 5.0 focuses on the production of intelligent, thoughtful content by individuals with an objective understanding of the subject matter. It doesn't catch on.

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[This post brought to you by Campaigner Email Marketing]
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5 Comments:

I hadn't read that... soooo funny... wish I had the time to roll up all the humoristic predictions as well,, glad you did..

Well done.

David Baker
By Anonymous David Baker, on 18 June, 2008  
 

Yahoo Live Gmail.

superb imagination
By Anonymous samaira, on 22 June, 2008  
 

What about - "Gmail is finally out of Beta".
By Blogger EmailKarma, on 30 June, 2008  
 

I like that! Or even... "Gmail is still in Beta"
By Anonymous Mark Brownlow, on 30 June, 2008  
 

Nice post Mark. Love when we find humor in the things that have been ongoing conversations for years and still will be problems if people don't start thinking smarter.
By Anonymous Dylan Boyd, on 07 July, 2008  
 

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